That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
