the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
