If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize