My liver just broke up with me...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
