The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
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Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
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I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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