if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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