The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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