I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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