Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
