the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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