either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize