I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize