He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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