Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
