quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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