You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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