Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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