I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
