using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
