What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
