You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
