I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
