Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
