you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
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