Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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