I'm lost and stupid without you.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
