No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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