u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
