my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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