Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
