Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think my fart just growled at me.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
