ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
