..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
