God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My life is pants optional.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
