Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize