Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
