grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
