sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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