I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
