WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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