I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
