hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
