when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
