go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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