Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
