he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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