Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
