Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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