you have to choose: penises or morals?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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