wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
