oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm passing your future prison.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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