It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
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It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
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it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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