Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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