he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.