I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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