I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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