Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
