Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
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I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
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How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Life without a bra equals bliss.