I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
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You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
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I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.