you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
