Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
