So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize