I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm too high and old for this...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
