We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
