good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
