dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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