Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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