im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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