I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
