Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
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I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS