Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
well you can't waste a boner
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
