It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize