you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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