Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
